3 Ways Whisky Can Save Your Marriage

Heavy Drinking can Actually Improve your MarriageBenjamin Franklin once famously said “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.”  We would like to add: in Whisky, there is marital bliss.    Many so called ‘experts’ like psychologists and marriage counselors tell us that heavy drinking leads to all sorts of problems between marriage mates.  But what do they know? We have compiled 3 reasons why drinking can actually help your marriage.

1. Drinking Opens up Communication


Heavy Drinking Helps you Express your Feelings
Such a productive discussion!

Without a doubt you are more chatty after throwing a couple back.  Why not use this as an opportunity to remind your significant other of past issues that you have been bottling up inside?

Since you lack the communication skills required to have an adult conversation, let the alcohol bubble up those drowning emotions.  You will probably argue anyway, and with Whisky you won’t be burdened with having to remember the conversation.

2. Hiding your Drinking Makes you More Considerate

If you can hide your booze breath, you can keep your opinions about your mother-in-law to yourself

Let’s be honest, you can’t talk all the time. And the best drinkers are masters of concealment.  Whether it be booze breath, impaired judgement, or bottles of various spirits around the house, a true lush goes through great effort to keep his habits out of obvious view.  After all, you don’t want friends, family or coworkers to worry about your 2 fifths-a-day quota.  You’re in control.

This practice is actually healthy, and is really a manifestation of your desire not to concern your mate.  Every bottle of Seagrams 7 that you manage to smuggle undetected from the store, into your sock drawer, and then out through the bathroom window, is an exercise of loving consideration for your partner.

3. Heavy Drinking Makes You a Better Provider

Driving Uber to support your drinking habit
Driving Uber is a great way to support your drinking habit. Just watch out for amateurs that can’t hold their liquor

Whisky is expensive- and so is the habit that you are totally in control of.  If you want to ensure a financially secure marriage, you’re going to need to learn creative ways to make, and hide, the money you need.

Driving for Uber, moonlighting as a heavy equipment operator, or teaching swimming lessons to kids are all good examples of weekend work you may be able to pick up for some quick cash.  That makes you a hard worker, and you deserve another drink just for that.

These are just 3 of the many wonderful ways heavy drinking can improve your marriage.   And more than that, Whisky is sexy!  Cowboys, Spies and Dignitaries all enjoy a good snort or two at work and beyond.   So the more you drink the more of a man you will appear to be.  Here’s to manliness!


Leave a Reply