Whether your planning to snag a Nintendo Switch, the new iPhone X, or just a 52″ TV for $150, your gonna need a few self-defense moves, and let’s face it, a few self-offensive moves in your repertoire. So what stiff arms are sure to make this the most wonderful time of the year?
Here’s our top 5 best techniques that are sure to make for the merriest Christmas yet:
5: Gracie Jui Jitsu knee to belly
Trying to get to that doll that pees itself can be a challenge. But not after you use the Brazilian Jiu Jistu knee to the rib cage. Aim below the waist and he’ll really feel the bells jingle.
4: Taekwondo leg sweep
That’s right! Sweep the leg! That Lonzo Ball waffle maker and Star Wars back scratcher are calling your name. Break his shins and beat him to those Chinese made specialties first, Cobra Kai style!
3: Karate throat punch
Stop arguing over that Bluray player and Seinfeld box set. Use the classic throat punch right to the wind pipe and grandma will feel worse than when she got ran over by a reindeer.
2: The Mike Tyson ear bite
Trying to grab that Lego set and fight people off at the same time? Take the fight to the bite. Chew your way to the checkout, and any ear lobes you naw off will make for great stocking stuffers.
1: Predator spine rip
This one is sure to let everyone know who’s naughty and ain’t nice. Feel the rush of countless energy drinks and Starbuck venti’s as you unleash the Christmas beast. But hurry and grab those deals, cause your probably wanted by the police… Get to the choppa!