Employee Admits Being Late Part of Who He is as a Person

San Jose, Ca – A young and unreliable computer programmer leveled with his manager on Friday regarding his tardiness.  Dusty Young, an employee at startup ‘Accounting Sux’, admits he could be better at being to work on time.  “Look, I am a young and progressive professional, and I need to maintain my work-life balance. For every hour of work I need 30 minutes of mindfulness meditation and 6 shots of low-acid, organic, fairtrade coffee.”

Dusty’s manager wants to replace him, but he fears an HR crisis because Young identifies as Lethargic.  “If we fire him we could be labeled as insensitive”, states HR director Bernt Fanni, “our company culture is all-embracing, we would hate for the public to jump to defend an imaginary condition they are too lazy to research and disregard.”

In the meantime Dusty has been scheduled to work overtime in an effort to get him to work an honest 40 hours.  “They can schedule me 7 days a week man”, says Dusty, “but if they want my best, they gotta factor in my circadian rhythm, once they get it, they’re going to see they can’t do business without me.”

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