Finding Neverland: Get Friend Zoned Before it’s Too Late

Are you hopelessly in love with a woman that doesn’t feel the same for you…yet?

When she said she ‘loves you as a friend’, you dodged a bullet

Does she text you selfies and cuddle with you over Netflix, but won’t give you a kiss or tell you where she was last Saturday night? Does she refuse to call you her boyfriend, even after a year of comforting her over every argument she had with her other friend Camaro Todd ?

The Truth About your Female Best Friend

Face the facts. She’s just playing hard to get, she’s scared of your Rock & Roll lifestyle. The first time you showed her your Lego Star Wars Character collection, you knew she would be hot for you.

But be careful, she will eventually confess her love for your blog about Harry Potter alternate universes and ruin your bachelor lifestyle. It all starts when she holds your hand in front of her friends, then before you know it, she’s spending your Steam account budget on milkshakes and whispering that she ‘wants’ you- but don’t trust her- she just wants your vintage Archie comics collection.

One minute you’re king of the single life and the next you’re wearing matching Winnie the Poo sweaters. Don’t do it player. Take control of the situation by telling her that you would do anything for her, and that you don’t mind if she hangs out with Camaro Todd.

Even if you end up wearing the Poo sweater, it will be on your terms.  Keep her intimidated with your awkward confidence, and get yourself firmly in the Friend Zone.

Boyfriends are Liars

She just wants you for your Weird Al discography

Any guy that says he is happy as a boyfriend is just pretending to impress his friends. He is secretly being bossed around by a needy little girl that forces him to wear her underwear and watch My Little Pony reruns. (it’s true, my friend Cody’s older brother said so, he has a girlfriend)

In the Friend Zone you can enjoy female companionship without having to compromise on the most important things in life- like Saturday night Pokemon battles in your cousin’s basement.

You can’t help being irresistible, but you have to accept she ain’t wifey material. Tell her how much you care, buy her a killer chrome Skull for Todd’s shifter, and keep her hanging. Be a real man.  It’s better this way.

Leave a Reply