J.H. – Why I love Donald Trump

   Jetro Hoggreaser- Opinion Writer

pres-picWhen th’ Donald Trump campaign officially began in th’ summer of 2015, I been running all over hell’s half acre tendin’ t’mah pig farm an’ mah fambly in rural South Car’lina. Th’ political climate at th’ time featured great public corncern on over th’ honesty of th’ leaders in office. Th’ idea of a successful political outsider steppin’ in t’“drain th’ swamp” was a welcome message.

Thar was also great promise in th’ idea of “makin’ South Car’lina great agin”. Th’ economah in South Car’lina has been pore, an’ a man that c’d treat th’ govment like one of his successful businesses seemed like a great approach.

Now, ah have a drained a few swamps in mah lifetime, an’ ah knows better than ennyone that it takes a li’l wawk t’git th’ bottom feeders an’ leeches out. Ah believe its only a matter of time befo’e he makes that swamp prettier than one of his famous go’f courses.

A lot of varmints seem t’be upset about th’ travel ban. Paintin’ th’ USA as a country that has an open invitashun t’ev’ryone, includin’ our inemies, would igno’e th’ great effo’t th’ US Navy went through t’stop inemah naval invaders in th’ Revolushunary War.

It is in fackt a complicated issue wif regards t’Islam an’ them varmints that wish us harm, dawgone it. On account o’ thar is no simple opshun t’dealin’ wif this hyar enemah, bannin’ countries wif a higher risk of producin’ terro’ists is logical, ah reckon. ah reckanize this hyar is a difficult decishun fo’ varmints that haf a higher stan’ard fo’ South Car’linan horspitality, but this hyar is a tempo’ary arrangement.

Mah great Gran’Pappy was one of them varmints that came into th’ USA lookin’ fo’ a neu life. An’ he foun’ one. Th’ impo’tant difference was that he meant t’build a life, not take innercent lives outside of th’ rules of war.

On th’ matter of No’th Ko’ea, th’ Kim Jong Koon’s got a burr in his saddle and is displayin’ a deep desiuh t’be reckanized on th’ wo’lds’ stage. He think the sun come up just to hear him crow, an’ wants t’make some of that trade agreement money that keeps gittin’ held back fum him, dawgone it. Mr Trump has the dawgoned-est advanced military in th’ wo’ld at his disposal- he is not th’ type t’be threaten’d, cuss it all t’ tarnation. This hyar does not mean that ah w’d be hankerin’ a war wif No’th Ko’ea, simply that Mr Trumps unpredickability might acshully be an asset aginst someone wif so li’l experience an’ so much mouth.  That Kim Jong Koon ’bout as confused as a fart in a fan factory

In th’ end, ah love Mr. Trump on account o’ he speaks his mind, has a hairy trigger finger, an’ ah w’dn’t mind swappin’ wives wif him one day.  An’ crooked Hill’ry, she ’bout as useful as a steering wheel on a mule.

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